It has been 11 days since SSR’s suicide and I am yet to come to terms with myself. The very next day I did write on ‘Mental illness’ as a guest blogger for facelesscompliance.com, but nothing since then.
I was not suffering from any sort of Writer’s block! Honestly, I was in a deep state of shock after reading so much about it on Social Media and seeing the photos of his dead body. Oh God, my heart broke!
Social Media was full of content on nepotism, murder conspiracies, bullying, depression, mental illness, other shocking revelations about the industry, old videos of Sushant, list of 50 dreams of Sushant, Bollywood tweets, etc, I was not able to make peace with my ‘present’. I gave myself some time to recover from the traumatic social media experience I had, immediately after the news broke out, let alone thinking on what topics to write on, for my next blog.
I was not a fan of SSR before, but considering how young he was and how beautiful his dreams were, it was unacceptable for me to digest the fact that successful people can have such sad endings! In fact, after this incident, now, Bollywood is something I will never look up to for inspiration, I am DONE.
I came back to writing after a year and this incident made me numb and expressionless for sometime, it affected me adversely. Also, since then, the daily rise in Corona Cases in India, many more suicide news, Bollywood blame games, these things just pushed me into the dark space where I was not able get back to normalcy, how could I let my creative juices to flow!
I was sad, genuinely.
I uninstalled Twitter, stopped posting on Instagram; just witnessed the entire reaction of public, all over! Trust me, it took efforts for me, to come out of it.
I learnt so much from this entire experience. I really wish people became less hateful in the time of mourning 🙏
I have not seen a single video of SSR since then (wait, I was forced to see one), I do not have the guts to go and see anything related to him, it scares the hell out of me! It feels like I have lost a close friend, it still bothers me, but I am coping up.
No, I am not suffering from hallucinations or anything, it is just that sometimes we don’t know what bothers us unless we don’t actually go through the process.
I wish to come out of this asap and get back to normal writing. I really wish to be an Informative Blogger. I thought, sharing this experience would lighten the burden from my heart, hence I just took to this platform to vent out my feelings!
God bless every being on this planet!
The World urgently needs love and Coronavirus Vaccine. I hope we all sail through this soon! Let us stay hopeful.
Take care and be safe. Life is precious ❤️
R.I.P every being we lost in 2020.🙏