They say, you gradually loose friends while you grow up. And to be honest, I am finally convinced by this statement and yes , I did loose a lot of my friends and favourite people in the process of growing old.
I already have a mental-list of the friends and favourite people I lost and the names in the list keep growing 😕, I want this list to just go blank, but I don’t think that it can happen in this birth😞Sigh😞
So I keep wondering how do I stop clinging on to this list? For example, while I am alone, with my thoughts, I really do miss these people; I think of so many things that happened the last time we met/ spoke.I keep blaming myself for not acting in a certain way and start blaming myself for all the damage done. I get into believing that I am a bad human and I am worthy of all the hate! I start introspection which then converts into self-hatred! That is the effect of that mental list I mentioned about earlier.
A lot of people say you gotta let go, you gotta move on, you gotta start self-love, etc, etc. But the truth is, despite all these exercises, I will never ever get back those people. I miss them so much, but somewhere, I am also content with the fact that I am not in touch with them. This is a perplexed dilemma I am into and I loose the grip of my thoughts when I get into the mood of nostalgia, it is weird 🙄.
I am not here to influence you in a negative way, but all that I want to say is, goes somewhat like this.
Let me begin from the ‘Start’.
All our relations may be divided simply into two parts, one, blood relations and the other non-blood relations.
Let’s say, non-blood relations can further be divided into emotional and non-emotional relations. Because, assuming, blood relations cannot be erased altogether at once, even if they may or may not be emotional!
The mental list I’d mentioned earlier, is the list of emotional relations I have had, those relationships where my heart is the real reason I have people in life. Now, talking about emotions. You know, it has this word ‘motion’ in the word emotion. So, if one person is at motion, the other person has to be at motion. No motion, no relation. I take a step , the opposite person takes a step. It is a two way traffic! Emotional relations are two way traffic.🚦 Period.
Mind you, there is always a room for forgiveness, drama, letting go things, unintentional disrespect, genuine mistakes, in such relationships. These people are called friends and favourite people, right? (You may have this kind of relation with anyone from your family as well). So, if you cannot balance these things and emotions for a person then you better don’t involve into any emotional relation with that person.
The foundation of such relations is emotions. If the feelings of love and affection is replaced by jealousy, hurting behaviour, etc, the foundation is shook and it is an end to the bond. You cannot force feelings in anyone, no matter how great you guys clicked in the past. What is gone, is gone. Again, it is in the hands of both the parties to revive and to start afresh.
The reason I am writing all this is because, a lot of people try hard to save relations and friendships at the cost of their self-respect. Which is wrong! Yes, if it is with your parents, that is fine but no one else can make you feel worst as a human. If they make you feel that way, I suggest you untie the relation instead of cutting it. Gale mat pado kisike! If they don’t want you, you can also simply remove them from life without that feeling of guilt. If you are nice enough to let things go, even they should let things go. If they cling onto your shortcomings, then where is love?
So, moral of the story, you be the best version of yourself in a relation, give the best but if they don’t respect it or someone takes you for granted then it is completely okay to let them go! What is the use of this painful relation, better mourn over it and move on! And yes, keep no hate for them in your heart. If they wish to come back to you, let them have that comfort.
I have many more things to write, it took a week to write this and I continue to feel that I am missing out on many points. I ll come back!!
Till then, value the relations and give love , it is free yaar!